Deaths caused in USA by Jihadi terrorists since 9/11: 45
Deaths caused in USA by white supremacists and right wing extremists since 9/11: 47
Deaths in USA caused by conventional murders since 9/11: 200,000
(Source: NYT)
Firefighter, Writer, Speaker
Deaths caused in USA by Jihadi terrorists since 9/11: 45
Deaths caused in USA by white supremacists and right wing extremists since 9/11: 47
Deaths in USA caused by conventional murders since 9/11: 200,000
(Source: NYT)
The adults were trying desperately to make sure no kids were missing or seriously injured. Shawnee, after attempting to herd kids, just jumped in and played; lots of chasing, finding hiding kids and barking in delight.
Finally, my dad had enough and he pointed at me and at Shawnee. That was my cue to take Shawnee to my room. I grabbed my cousin Johnny, who was my same age, and we hightailed it upstairs. As we ran up I heard my mom yell at my almost teenage sister and the girl cousins, “You can’t wear black eye shadow to Thanksgiving dinner! Your grandmother will have a stroke!”
In my room, with a couple of other hanger-on cousins, Shawnee jumped on my bed, curled up and watched us. Johnny and I continued the serious conversation that we’d been engaged in all day. We’d both been promoted to senior Altar Boys at our churches and we had discovered girls at the same time. We were weighing the pros and cons. This was an intense conversation, so I never noticed Shawnee slip out of the room.
But apparently Shawnee had plans. With all the dads either drinking, changing diapers or chasing children, Shawnee saw opportunity.
But let me set the stage. In the eye of the family hurricane was our kitchen. There, with the planning and execution that would make a general weep with jealousy, the moms were preparing, cooking and setting the tables.
I wouldn’t say they were militant, but no one was allowed in the kitchen, not weepy three-year-olds, sullen pre-teens, husbands or a loveable pet. This was the place of perfection, where the moms wanted only to lay out, once a year, the perfect family meal. Once a year they strove to gather us all under one roof. Once a year the wish was to have us each hold our breath at the bounty and perfection of a Thanksgiving Day meal. There was a lot of “artistic” tension in that kitchen.
But perfection exists on the edge of chaos. There is always an agent of change ready to knock down the first domino.
None of us noted that Shawnee had somehow gone missing.
At about 4:00 p.m. we were called to dinner. The Minnesota sun was a pale ball setting in the west over a prairie of snow. The little ones were being seated at the kids table and the teenagers were wondering, “would this be the year that we sit with the grownups?” The turkey was cooling on the kitchen counter. The grandparents were led to sit at the head of the table. It seemed to be coming to pass; that moment of a perfect Thanksgiving.
I recall still being assigned to the kids table. I recall that we had cracked open the door to the backyard because it was warm and a little smoky.
The next thing I remember is my Aunt Betty yelling, “The dog has the turkey!”
We all looked and sure enough, Shawnee had come out of nowhere. She had leapt up on the counter and grabbed a twenty pound roasted turkey in her jaws and sprinted out the door.
Of course all the kids jumped up to chase, knocking over glasses, yanking tablecloths in excitement, but Shawnee was gone, past the tree line into the dark.
There was shock in the dining room.
The kids came back, out of breath from the chase. We all gathered around the “grown-up” table waiting for cues. How should we react? Anger? Frustration?
We waited. And then, my mom just laughed. Then my grandfather, Dinty, joined in. Soon, even the “cool” girl cousins were laughing out loud.
Perfection had again been bested by reality.
I’m sure that Shawnee had not planned any of this, but after we stopped laughing, the entire family visibly relaxed. There was nothing we could do. We ate mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and sweet potatoes. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a great Thanksgiving. And a very full dog was let back in the house around midnight…
To the dismay of Laurie, my wife, I wrote these on the wall by my bathroom mirror. I look at them every morning brushing my teeth. I think it helps…
I was sound asleep on the couch with a blanket over my head and a dog passed out on my lap. The pager app on my iPhone toned out, “Alarm check, 700 Old Las Vegas Highway.”
This was a “frequent flyer” restaurant. Always with the alarm checks.
I reached out from under the blanket, got the phone, brought it under my blanket and…
dialed the number of the restaurant. The owner answered and he apologized (again), saying someone left a door open to the kitchen and grill smoke had set off the alarm.
I said, “got it.”
I hung up, called fire dispatch, explained all of the above in fire department detail and lingo and said we could cancel the call.
I put the phone back on the table, readjusted the blanket and went back to sleep. Nellie, our Alpha dog, never woke up.
Total time: 2 minutes.
My kind of call.
The High School boy’s soccer team I coach scored a goal in the second half against a terrific team and one of our rivals. We held that lead down to the very last few minutes. Then, as happens in soccer, the other team scored two goals in less than four minutes.
It was a crushing loss. At the whistle, the other team sprinted onto the field, whooping it up. Our guys dropped to their knees with that pain in the chest: How could that have happened?
Of course, that’s just like life. Stuff happens, losses are snatched from the jaws of victory. Life is rampant with disappointments, failures and the unexpected. Most of this is out of our control.
Of course, that’s just like life. Stuff happens, losses are snatched from the jaws of victory. Life is rampant with disappointments, failures and the unexpected. Most of this is out of our control.
What we can control is how we respond to difficulty and that is what a couple of teenage senior captains reminded me that afternoon.
Here is what happened. Our captains — the guys with most on the line for this was their last season — called everyone together.
“Bring it in,” they yelled and the team gathered in a circle, arms around each other, captains in the middle. It was a circle of exhausted and discouraged soccer players.
The coaches stood outside the circle and just listened.
“I’m so proud of you,” Adam, one of the captains spoke. “That was the best soccer we’ve played all season. It sucks to lose, but they are the third ranked team in the state and we nearly beat them. That was a great game!”
Eric, another senior captain laying on the ground exhausted simply said, “great game boys!”
Our final captain, Drake, jumped into the middle of the circle, “We’ll get them again boys! I’m so excited for our next training! I want to work so hard!”
There was no blaming, no whining, no “ain’t it awful.”
There was no blaming, no whining, no “ain’t it awful.”
Rather the captains focused on framing the loss, tapping down the drama, and being positive and optimistic. They pointed our team towards what they could control: solving problems and working hard.
During the circle, my coaching partner and I both smiled at each other. We knew that these are the moments in sports that are better than winning. You see these kids — that we’ve known since they were twelve — grapple with important things: dealing with disappointment, motivating a team and focusing all of us (coaches included) on what we can control; our work ethic and our attitude in the face of loss.
My dad taught me that sports isn’t so much about winning and losing as it is about teaching players about the potential of their lives, who they can become if they believe in themselves and work hard. When I began coaching, he reminded me that sports was about grace when you win and resilience when you lose.
This day those lessons was passed on to a new group of young players by their captains. They learned they are part of this magical experience, a real team. They learned, I hope, that even when there is a crushing loss we can get up the next morning and go to work.
Best coaching day ever.